“One of the most animated, energetic and ravishing women I've ever slept with.” ~ Tom Hardy
With the flowers Tom Hardy sent me for Valentine's Day
Well I’m happy to report that I've led a life bonkers enough thus far that my memoirs are already a bestseller. I’ve done a stint as a professional Susan Boyle impersonator, stripped off to my knickers in front of TV cameras while weighing 19 stone for my RTE documentary Nine Stone Lighter, I've gone on national TV to try and track down an random stranger who chatted me up in a supermarket carpark, I've been dry humped by comedy legend Rik Mayall, published an erotic novella I wrote when I was just 14, written and produced smash hit comedy TV show and movie Damo & Ivor and as I approach the summit of ‘the hill’ that they call life, where it supposedly all begins at the big 4-0, I’ve now gone gaga for radio presenting and voiceover acting!
So if you'd like to know everything about me then just read my book Flabyrinth as all of my brutal honesty is in there. That’s why I’m naked on the cover surrounded by 1000 donuts. In this case, you should judge the book by the cover because that photo it says it all.
Just like the diary of a Sweet Valley High twin, in my book Flabyrinth I've documented everything. Including my cringey snogscapades, periods, obsession with the opposite sex (not the opposite OF sex - celibacy, although I unwittingly endured plenty of that!) and I've shared how, as my body ballooned, so did the voice of the mega bitch inside my head. I also let you know how I slayed that ratchet ass hoe and evicted her from my mind.
I’ve written it all through humour, my coping mechanism. I’m glad I’ve shared my story as so many women have identified with me and now know that they’re not alone in how they feel about themselves, their bodies and navigating the bumper car track that is life.
So to summarise, I'm the Irish comedy writer, producer and director responsible for Damo & Ivor, who lost lots of weight and made a documentary about it, wrote a book called Flabyrinth about how I feel about my body and the voices in my head, I swapped Malteasers for spinach, I found myself, fell in love with myself and now I live in the world of radio, voiceover acting and presenting, finally I found my calling!
Win the Euromillions
Win the Lotto (to cover day to day expenses)
Write, produce and direct more comedy shows
Win an IMRO award, perhaps 2, feck it 3!
Sleep with Tom Hardy (well not 'sleep' with him, it's the staying awake part I'm more interested in!)
Commission a solid gold statue of myself
Out of all the interviews I've done, this lovely piece by Barry Egan from the Sunday Independent is my favourite as it explains my story the best...